I’ve been working really hard at not feeling guilty over things, and not feeling bad for things I’ve said/done that have hurt or offended other people even though I had every right to say them. I’ve realised I do have a right to speak my mind about things, and shouldn’t leave my opinion out of things that affect me, and be silently angry or upset about them, which simmer and end up with me getting extremely angry and upset over things which don’t really matter. I’ve been much less depressed/ have been down much less often lately, and I think it’s a mix of actively reprogramming the way I think, and also consciously not taking things for granted - like, yeah, I have had a LOT of shitty things happen in my life, which ultimately has come from my family, and they might not be the best people or the best influences or the right kind of company, they have so much love for me, and so much knowledge and I have really grown so much out of the dirt that has been my life, like they’re not the best people but I owe them a lot, and I love them fiercely no matter how much I want to get away from them.
Even though there are things I’m not happy with e.g. my weight and my grades, this is probably the most content I have ever been with my life. And I have really wonderful people in it supporting me and I couldn’t ask for anything more (even though I literally do like i ask ben to do romantic stuff for me all the time lol and im always asking for money oops but yeah) like I am happy, and I am so proud of myself and thankful - yes THANKFUL - for everything that has happened, good and bad, because I’m continuing to discover what kind of person I am, and how my resilience is growing, and how I’m learning to get over things without letting them affect me.
I am learning to be free :)